


Coffee Shops and One Shots

by orphan_account



Series: Coffee Shops and Soulmates [2]
Category: Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bakery and Coffee Shop, F/M, Humor, M/M, Platonic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Unofficial Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-09 07:05:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4338662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This basically consists of one-shots around each couple after the first fan fic took place.</p>
<p>Sequel to If I Survive, Than I'll See You Tomorrow but could be read on its own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loki and Darcy

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to write a small sequel to If I Survive, Than I'll See You Tomorrow. This basically consists of one-shots around each couple after the first fan fic took place.
> 
> Also don't cheat on your tests, academic integrity is important, do not follow Darcy's lead! lol

_Loki and Darcy_

Darcy didn’t mind working for Loki, and sleeping with the boss had its perks, like if she didn’t feel like working she could make him go in instead. Also she basically got to make her own schedule because Loki didn’t want to risk his sex life so no morning shifts for her, and that weird high school automaton could have all the early morning weekend shifts she loved so much. First of all ew, second of all, thank god it wasn’t her. She got the night sifts instead, then she could go to school during the day and she’d work at night. Plus Loki fucking hated morning shifts so she was usually stuck with him, and Jane did her grad school work there too, so she always had company. Sometimes Thor came to hang out with Jane too, which meant Loki and Thor arguing about something and that should be something people should have to pay to see it was so entertaining.

Today she was Janeless because the traitor decided to go on a date with Thor, and being real she’d take it if that chance arose, but that didn’t mean Jane should abandon her in a dead coffee shop. Instead she sat behind the counter with her computer frowning at her stupid online Roman mythology quiz, “Loki! You know things, help me,” she yells to him. He was hiding in the back, probably pretending to clean things.

“I thought there were rules against that,” he says, entering the actual work area, Darcy didn’t count the kitchen because no people meant less work. Donuts didn’t ask stupid questions and expect to be taken seriously.

“Fuck academic integrity, come do this fucking thing, there are Latin words in here. There is a reason this is a dead language, and that’s because it makes no fucking sense,” she says, handing her computer off to Loki.

“Go deal with the customers,” he tells her, probably trying to pretend like he was the one in charge here. Ha, what a joke.

“Mmhm, sure, act like I don’t own you,” she says, poking him in the side.

Loki laughs, “I think you underestimate how much I enjoy sex,” he says, raising an eyebrow at her, grinning.

Darcy snorts, “I’m more than I live sex toy to you and we both know it, Thor told me about that time you had a mental breakdown because Jane and I went on an accidental road trip and got lost in Vegas. You thought I died and you sat in bed for four days crying and moping around until Jane called Thor and informed him we were both alive and we were going to be home in ten minutes. Apparently you looked like one of those T.V makeovers on fast forward you moved that fast to make yourself look presentable,” she says, moving off to serve the people waiting at the register.

“I still don’t believe you actually got lost in Vegas, you just wanted to make me suffer,” he says, narrowing his eyes and handing her computer back to her. He got a perfect score on her test, not that she doubted him, he claimed not to retain useless information but here he was, scoring perfect on Roman mythology quizzes. Loki made no sense but she wouldn’t have him any other way.

She manages to read an entire online article of the physics class she, for whatever reason, decided it was a good idea to take with Jane before another customer shows up. She closes her computer and gets up to go deal with them before her brain starts to bleed. Thank god Loki understood most of her school work or she’d probably never get it, except for political science, political science was her jam and she could walk circles around him all day in that subject. That and Pokémon knowledge but she didn’t count that.

“What can I get for you?” she says, hand hovering over the buttons on the till. The two guys stared at the donut case, squinting. She sighs quietly and waits for them to make their choice.

“So like, which donut is the healthiest?” the shorter one asks.

Darcy resists the urge to roll her eyes, “they’re donuts, none of them are healthy,” she points out. She asked stupid questions too sometimes, she got it, but which donut was the healthiest? Really?

“That was helpful,” the taller one snipes.

Darcy does roll her eyes this time, “Loki,” she calls and he appears shortly after, “which donut in this donut case full of donuts is the healthiest donut?” she asks, gesturing to the display case.

Loki frowns, “was there a purpose to you saying donut so many- oh, I get it, they’re donuts, none of them are healthy. Right,” he says and picks up a donut. This was about to be the highlight of her year but she didn’t know it yet so she really couldn’t appreciate the awesomeness that was Loki until later.

*

Loki sighs into the phone, “yes Thor, you heard that right, I got arrested for throwing a donut at some kid’s face… something about assault… yes I know donuts can’t hurt people but I’m not the one who makes the rules. Can you come and get me or not… no I can’t call Darcy, she has also been arrested… I don’t know what charge they stuck her with; all she did was laugh her ass off… Look Thor either come get me or let me call someone else, Damnit,” he snaps into the receiver. Darcy was pretty sure the cops were blowing smoke out their asses; she couldn’t imagine they were actually going to charge Loki with assault for throwing a cake ring at someone.

Thor does indeed show up, bailing them both out with some very impressive disappointed looks. Loki actually looked a little guilty for like two seconds before he went back to looking indignant. The cops all glare at Loki as he leaves, probably because he sat there for three hours making pig jokes to irritate them. Obviously he succeeded and Darcy was so telling all her school friends about this in class, she obviously had the best soulmate ever, he was willing to get arrested throwing donuts at people because they asked her stupid questions.

Thor gives them looks in the rear-view mirror, “why would you do that?” Thor asks, exasperated with his brother’s antics.

“They asked what donut was the healthiest, what kind of stupid question was that?” Loki says, glaring out the window, slumped in his seat. Aw, he was upset he disappointed his brother, how adorable.

“Loki that doesn’t mean you throw cake at people,” Thor says and bless him; he actually took the situation seriously. Thor was the sweetest thing in existence, Jane was lucky. Jane had also lost it and started laughing hysterically, “don’t laugh, Loki was arrested,” Thor says, looking upset that he was the only one who was taking this seriously.

“Thor, literally no one is going to take Loki getting arrested for throwing donuts seriously,” Darcy says, leaning forward and patting Thor’s shoulder.

“I love you,” Loki says, squeezing her thigh, smiling.

“I know,” she chips, patting Loki’s cheek. He rolls his eyes and looks out the window again, smiling. She knew she was a pain in the ass but Loki wouldn’t have her any other way.                                       


	2. Thor and Jane

_Thor and Jane_

Jane had always loved science, so much so that she couldn’t really imagine loving a soulmate more than her work. She loved Thor of course, he was a million times better than she could have imagined, but science was always her first love. Thor understood that too, in her line of work she always heard these horror stories about soulmates getting frustrated with their partners and moving on because they spent so much time at work. Thor had never seemed to mind though to be fair he had spent an abundance of time at work too before he quit, now he spend an abundance of time arguing with Loki about pastries. The point was that they understood each other and they worked well together.

Thor was adorably supportive too, always willing to help her out when she needed it. Today he was carting around her equipment for her, or at least the stuff that she couldn’t carry herself. “So, do you think you’ll win a Nobel Prize?” Thor asks, grinning.

Jane laughs, “I better, Tony’s been bragging about winning one for that element he made and I’m sick of it. Now if there are two of us we can science battle,” she says grinning. Thor tells her she would win, obviously, and she’s grateful for his faith. She wasn’t sure if that was actually true, she had her money on Bruce because he memorized and understood things faster than anyone she knew.

She was demonstrating what she hoped would be a stable portal, at least if her calculations were correct. She hadn’t tested it because portals weren’t the kind of thing you should multiple times, but if the need arose her devices could close portals too. That was kind of the point given recent events of various aliens somehow finding their way to earth. Coulson was interested in finding a way to shut them out and asked Jane to see if she could come up with a device or something so keep them out of the need arose. She had gotten some help from Bruce, and Tony had thrown in his input, which she ignored because he only thought he knew everything.

“Okay, everything goes here,” she says and sets her box down in a large clearing.

Thor sets his box down beside hers and grins, “do you think I’ll get to use Mjolnir, I’ve been waiting for an excuse,” he says gleefully.

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t, you’d probably fry all my equipment,” she says to him. Thor looks way too exited for her liking but she trusted he’d only use the hammer only if something actually came through. Which she doubted would happen, like one in a billion chance. Thor runs off to get his damn hammer and she starts setting up, sticking the stakes in the ground so she could set up her equipment.

Coulson shows up with a couple other people and Loki not long after and Thor returns, hammer in hand. “Oh, can I see that?” the third guy asks and Coulson gives him a look, “What? I’m curious,” he says and Jane recognizes him.

“I’ve read some of your papers,” she says, “you’re on the right track,” she says, smiling. He looks excited until he realizes what she said then he looks confused, “don’t be upset, you’ll get there,” she says. Loki looks enthused, the shit starter, he was probably hoping for some sort of argument. He thrived off of the drama no matter how much he claimed to hate it, half the time he started it. Darcy thought it was great because she loved to watch other people get into fights so long as they left her out of it. She swore the two of them started shit just to sit back with actual popcorn; she’s witnessed it, and watch the action.

Thor hands over the hammer, grinning, and the poor guy, he grabs the hammer and it immediately falls to the ground. Jane ignores the banter and continues setting up her design, tweaking a few things here and there until she was done. “Alright boys and Melinda, I’m ready,” she says, stepping back out of the way. Melinda glares at her or maybe that was just her face, Jane had trouble telling these days. Apparently she used to be less… stiff but Thor wasn’t clear on the details.

“Great,” Coulson says, “and your sure nothing will come through there?” he asks, giving her equipment a skeptical look,

“It’s a one in a billion chance,” she says, “so most likely no, and if something does happen to go through,” she gestures to Thor, who lifts his hammer, grinning. Coulson still looks nervous but he gestures for her to go ahead.

She takes another step back and turns her dials, bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet, she so hoped this worked. Her equipment flares to life; crackling as the energy surged and flickered, slowly forming the portal it was supposed to. She squeals, jumping up and down, “yay it worked!” she yells and immediately frowns, “what the hell is that?” she asks, pointing to a large shape moving behind the portal. Whatever it was surges forward, hitting the walls of the portal but not quite coming through.

“You said-” Coulson starts and Jane cuts him off.

“It’s a one in a billion chance!” she says and the thing hits the wall again, but this time some sort of… tentacle came through. Thor, she loved him, jumps the gun and lifts the hammer, smashing the ground and frying her equipment but hey, the weird tentacle thing disappears along with the portal.

“Oh come on, couldn’t you have waited a minute?” she asks, frowning at him.

Thor frowns, “we could have died!” he says.

“Oh come on, it was one tentacle, we were hardly going to die! Now my science is dead, and it worked,” she says, pouting. Coulson and Melinda exchange a look, raising their eyebrows but Thor grins, finding her sadness over her equipment frying endearing.

“I’m sure you can rebuild it,” Thor says.

“Of course I can, but no one will let me open another portal to know it works, I’m never going to get a Nobel Prize now!” she says, frowning at her now useless electronics. Thor shakes his head, smiling at her as she attempted to gather her things.                          


	3. Clint, Coulson, and Natasha

_Clint, Coulson, and Natasha_

She was very upset with everything and no one was taking her seriously because some asshole de aged her and she looked like a fucking four year old. Coulson and Clint were pretty good about it though, it was supposed to wear off soon but so far it had been nearly two weeks and she was impatient. Clint and Coulson thought she was adorable but they also thought it was acceptable to try and spoon feed a thirty four year old woman in a four year old’s body. She did love ice cream but she could feed herself god Damnit.

“Put me down goddamnit,” she tells Coulson and stars wiggling around. Just because she looked four didn’t mean she needed to be treated like she was four, the de ager ray didn’t de age her mind, she was a god damn adult.

“Nat I can’t let you walk around by yourself, you might be thirty four in mind but everyone else will think you’re a lost child,” he says quietly, giving her sympathetic looks.

“Oh for fucks sake,” she snaps loudly, “this is bullshit and you know it,” she says, trying to wiggle out of Coulson’s grasp again.

Some old white lady across the way makes a scoffing noise, “you should wash her mouth out,” she says, looking disgusted.

Natasha has _had it_ with being a four year old, “hey lady, if you’re going to talk shit you should spray your mouth with that nasty ass air freshener your holding, then at least it’ll be Febreze fresh motherfucker,” she snaps, trying her best to escape Coulson’s grasp so she could kick that woman’s ass for monitoring her language.

“Lady you’ve let your child out in public wearing crocs, I don’t think you have a right to judge my parenting when you think crocs are an acceptable shoe. Besides, my child has made a hilarious joke, your poor sense of fashion has made your child a joke,” he says, giving her the same sympathetic look he had given Nat only a couple minutes before walking off at a brisk pace.

*

“Febreze fresh,” Clint wheezes, “that’s fucking amazing, Nat,” Clint says and high fives her.  Coulson had tried to scold her on the way home but Nat had promptly fallen asleep, her little four year old body tired from running around with Coulson all day. He was so pissed, but not as pissed as her when he woke her up. She remembered _loving_ her naps as a child and she now had a renewed love in them when she found them useless before.

“Don’t encourage her,” Coulson scolds lightly, “we can’t have her making a scene like this all the time,” he says, smacking Clint’s arm.

“Coulson. _Phil_ , baby that was hilarious, you even told the lady so,” Clint says, slinging his arm around Coulson’s shoulder.

“It would have been funnier if she wasn’t in a four year old body,” he mumbles.

“You know what, when I took her to get ice cream the day before yesterday she told some old lady she missed sex and vodka, I think I win the ‘Nat no, don’t say that to people you’re four’ contest,” Clint says, raising an eyebrow.

She grins, she loved her soul mates but if she got no sex they had to suffer too, at least they could fuck each other. She got jack shit and she couldn’t even get drunk, one shot and she passed out, she tried it the third day in and Clint had flipped out. She had promised not to do that again because she didn’t want them to actually suffer, at least not in the ‘actually caused detrimental damage to their mental health’ sense.

Coulson winces, “yeah, you kind of do,” he says, “you should stop your reign of terror, Nat,” he tells her.

She snorts, “My hair looks like someone took a giant red shit on my head, I can’t reach anything, I have no sex life until further notice, and Stark keeps trying to stick pacifiers in my mouth. Just because he’s an adult baby doesn’t mean the rest of us are,” she says, her little body shaking with rage. It takes like four seconds for Clint and Coulson to dissolve into giggles, “and no one takes me seriously!” she yells, stamping her foot. This encourages Clint and Coulson to laugh harder at her plight.

“Ugh I’m going to go do something,” she says and walks off. Clint quickly follows her to make sure she doesn’t try and use the stove again, or try and take Lucky for a walk, or try to order pizza, or try to get Starbucks, or attempt to go to work. Loki had laughed his ass off when he saw her, at least until she kicked him hard in the shin, prompting him to hop around and trip, landing in the garbage, which Nat told him was where he belonged.

She ends up Coulson’s room full of Captain America shit, debating on breaking something valuable. She’d never follow through of course, Coulson loved his Captain America things and she’d never break his heart like that, but thinking about it didn’t make her a bad person. Clint picks up one of many shields Coulson had, “patriotism,” he says in a voice that closer resembled a Batman impression than a Captain America impression.

“Oh my god Clint, you’re embarrassing,” she says, picking up some trinket that was probably stupidly expensive and turning it over in her hands.

“Oh, a lighter!” Clint says and Nat whips around to tell Clint to put that back but he’s already set the flame and started cackling by the time she turns around. “This is cool as hell,” he says, tossing it from hand to hand.

“Oh my god Clint, put that out before you-” she starts but Clint, the fucking idiot, drops the lighter right on a comic book Nat would bet Stark’s company was something rare, “put it out!” she shrieks, flapping her little arms around.

“What do I do?” Clint yells, flailing around. Nat looks around for something to put out the flames but finds nothing that Coulson wouldn’t be upset with loosing so she settles for the jean jacket she’s wearing, flinging it over the table onto the comic, at least she hoped, she was to fucking short to see. She repeats the action a few times and stands on her toes, trying to see over the table. Thankfully nothing was on fire, “Did I ruin it? Oh my god I can’t look!” Clint yells, hiding his face.

“If this is ruined, Coulson is going to skin us,” she says and tries her best to reach the damn book, finally securing a grip on the pages and pulling it to the edge, removing it from the table and examining it. There were scorch marks across the front but that appeared to be the only damage to it, thankfully given their delayed reaction.

She runs her finger over the cover and some soot comes off, “you know if we’re really lucky we can either fix it or replace it before he notices,” She says, “Clint, did you not hear me? I said I think we can fix… it,” she says, turning around to find Clint staring wide eyed at a very pissed off looking Coulson. She hides the comic behind her back, hoping he hadn’t seen or heard any of that.

Coulson walks over with purpose and holds out his hand, wiggling it when she doesn’t react immediately. She drops her head and hands him the comic, “sorry,” she mumbles. She didn’t actually intend to wreck anything but then Clint came and fucked shit up.

“Out,” he says with deadly calm and they flee before Coulson decided to skin them and stick their pelts in his closet as trophies.

*

Coulson makes them wait a good three hours before telling them they had torched a new book, meaning they only ruined the cover of a twenty dollar volume rather than a thousand dollar comic. He wanted to make the two of them stew a bit so they felt bad and stopped fucking around with his stuff to entertain themselves. When they see him Nat dives behind the couch, her small body fitting between the couch and the wall until Clint shoves the couch back, leaving Nat squished with her feet still sticking out, “ow,” she mumbles.

“If I die so do you,” Clint says, pulling her back out from behind the couch.

“Which one of you thought it was a good idea to start a fire?” he asks, full well knowing Clint was the only one who could currently reach the lighter that was the reason for the fire. They point at each other and he rolls his eyes, “Nat can’t reach the lighter, Clint,” he says and Clint hangs his head in shame, turning his finger back to himself.

“Clint did it, I live!” Nat yells, making a break for the bedroom, which, unfortunately for her, requires her running past him.

He snatches her out off the ground, “I don’t think so,” he says and Nat is surprisingly cooperative when he rearranges her in his arms, “you two morons seriously know nothing about comics, you lit a new issue on fire, nothing vintage is outside of a display case. Obviously,” he says and the two of them look relieved, Nat practically melted in his arms.

“Thank the fucking lord, I felt so goddamn bad, I almost ran off,” Clint says from the ground he sunk to.

Coulson frowns, “that would have been useless, I would have been able to find you through the soul bond,” he says.

“That’s why I told him he might as well stick around. Please don’t attack my things with Minions again, I didn’t do anything wrong,” she says.

“We’ll see,” he says and she groans, cursing Clint out.


	4. Rhodey and Sam, Peggy and Pepper

_Rhodey and Sam, Peggy and Pepper_

Pepper Potts was not keen on the idea of dying and she now regretted telling Peggy that she had always wanted to try sky diving. This was Tony's thing, doing something incredibly stupid just for the fun of it, not hers. Peggy assured her that she was safe but jumping from a plane with nothing but a strip of fabric separating you from certain death was not her definition of safe. The only good thing about this little... excursion that was Rhodey was much less impressed than she was. "Why?" He asks, "Why the hell are we doing this? Why do white people wanna die so bad?" He was clinging desperately to Sam, who seemed to find his plight amusing.

"In case you haven't noticed I'm not white," Sam tells him, laughing.

Rhodey does not look impressed, "do I look like I care?" he asks. Sam doesn't seem to take offense to the comment, laughing it off instead.

"Are you ready?" Peggy asks her.

"Am I ready to jump thousands of feet to my death? Hell no," she says, stepping away from the opening of the plane.

Peggy sighs, "I've done this literally hundreds of times, I've only ever had trouble a couple times," she says. Pepper recognizes that Peggy is trying to comfort her but she was doing an awful job at it.

"Hell no," she and Rhodey say in synch, stepping away from the opening.

"Come on," Sam says, gently nudging Rhodey forward. Peggy tries to nudge her forward without much success. Pepper plants her feet and grabs Rhodey's arm, prepared to bring him down too if Peggy shoved her out. She doubted Peggy would do such a thing but she wasn't about to take chances, nor was she bout to suffer this alone.

"How is only having a couple problems supposed to be a comfort?" Rhodey asks, also firmly planted in his spot.

"Come on, you're in the military, don't you guys do this all the time?" Sam asks, giving Rhodey another gentle nudge forward. Pepper pulls him back immediately, having his back so long as they were both in the plane. Once they were out he was on his own, every woman for herself, or man, in Rhodey's case.

"Hell no, I manage to get myself out of that shit every time they bring it up," he says, "I know what's up, y'all say shit goes wrong."

"It's only been a couple times," Peggy says like sky diving accidents were blasé, "and it's always Steve, literally no one else has had any issues. Thankfully he's a quick thinker."

"Again, how is that supposed to comfort me? I don't care if it's only Steve, what if he had died? Then poor Tony would be missing a soulmate, hasn't that poor bastard been through enough?" He asks, sounding panicky.

"Hey, relax, I've got you," Sam says and Rhodey, the fucking traitor, relaxes.

"Am I gunna die, because I've seen horror movies and shit, I know how this goes," he says.

Sam looks confused, "what horror movie have you seen that involves sky diving? And how the hell did you get out of sky diving in the military?" he asks.

"Tony Stark is my best friend, he used to make weapons, it gave me a lot of pull that I used to get the hell out of sky diving. And I've seen Final Destination, that roller coaster shit is close enough," he says.

"You should have got Tony to get us out of this," Pepper hisses at him.

"I didn't think they were serious, I figured they were fucking with us! Don't look at me like that, even you have to admit Pepper Potts sky diving sounds like a joke," he says, raising an eyebrow. She had to admit he had a point, when Peggy said something to Tony he laughed in her face and walked away, telling Peggy that she was nuts if she thought that would actually happen.

"You know what, you and Tony always have the cool adventures and I get stuck with the paper work and the press conferences, I'm going to jump out of a plane and if I die, at least I'll look cool. Tell Tony to say that at my funeral. And _no_ lilies, he should know I don't like them by now," she mutters but no, Tony knew nothing. He once bought her strawberries, the only thing she was allergic to, because he didn't remember. She was tempted to eat one and have an allergic reaction just to make him feel bad but she had work to do.

Peggy grins, "That’s my girl!" She says proudly.

Pepper glares at her, "if you get me killed I _will_ haunt you," she warns, "and it will not be pleasant. I've been thinking up ways to haunt Tony for years, assuming he doesn't get himself killed before I get the chance." Peggy and Sam laugh and Rhodey gives her an odd look, eyebrows drawing together in confusion. "What?" She yells, "Do you not remember the incident with Obi? Do you have any idea how much damage that was? And who cleaned it all up? Not Tony," she makes an irritated noise. That didn't even include the Bucky thing, that was even worse; he wasted nearly a year tracking him down and left her with the company. Not that she didn't enjoy her job, she did, but for once she would like to be the one with the cool story to tell.

She steps forward, towards Peggy, who takes her hand and doles out a few instructions that Pepper clings to for dear life. She could do instructions, she was good at that, Tony liked to joke that she was more analytical than his bots. "Looks like I won the bet!" Peggy yells as they jump and Pepper is so terrified she's pretty sure she blacked out for a few seconds before she comes to, hurtling towards the earth at alarming speeds. Good god, she should leave this shit to Tony, and Peggy, and literally anyone but her, she was meant to be on the ground. Ground people were important; they did cool stuff, once she punched Justin Hammer in the face. That was fun, and it was an interesting story, why did she think this was a good idea again?

Peggy has managed to grab her hands sometime between them jumping from the plane and flying through the air and she was grinning. Peggy Carter, in Pepper's humble opinion, was bat shit fucking insane. Who the hell thought this was fun? As if Sam could hear her thoughts he lets out a loud whoop and Rhodey shrieks before falling silent again. He was obviously dead and Pepper was not looking back to see the mess he was sure to have created in the air.

Sometime later in her haze of fear Peggy signals to her and after a few times she finally understands that Peggy was telling her to pull the parachute and follows her instructions, shooting back into the air. _Was that not the wrong damn direction?_ Her worry was short lived, however, because she soon starting falling to the ground at a more reasonable speed. Peggy appears next to her a few seconds later grinning, clearly enjoying herself. Pepper gives her a very unimpressed look and she laughs, shaking her head at her. She was never _ever_ going to do this again, she liked the ground much better, or at the very least the floor of a plane.

She barely remembers Peggy's landing instructions before she hits the ground, thankfully managing to land correctly even if she was a little sloppy. Peggy lands beside her perfectly, not even looking ruffled, "well that was fun!" She says, still grinning.

"I hate you," she tells her, still lying on the ground where she landed. She looks up in time to see Rhodey in the air, shrieking, with Sam laughing beside him. Rhodey's landing is much less graceful than hers, and that was saying something, and Sam lands as gracefully as Peggy had. Assholes.

She pulls herself to her feet when she feels less like her stomach was trying to exit through her feet, "what did you mean you won the bet?" She asks, brushing herself off and regaining her composure. It was a habit she was rather thankful for at the moment, she looked put together and Rhodey was still yelling twenty feet away about never doing that again.

Peggy smiles, "oh no one but Steve believed you'd follow through on sky diving, we just made twenty grand each," she says, "Tony really should know better than to bet against your soul mate," she says, walking off to go help detangle Rhodey from his parachute. She was going to have a talk with Tony tomorrow about appropriate times to bet on people's behaviour.                                              


	5. Steve, Bucky, and Tony

_Steve, Bucky, and Tony_

They all stare at the baby in the middle of the room, confused, “why did you even bother to volunteer to babysit when you don’t know what to with the child?” Thor asks Loki.

“I wanted to look good, it hadn’t really occurred to me that it was… alive,” he says, waving his hand at the child.

Bucky looks horrified, “oh my god, that child is going to die, what kind of parent would leave a baby with _Loki,_ ” he whispers.

“I’m about eighty percent sure that’s why Darcy told us we should also be here,” Steve whispers back, “if nothing else Thor loves kids.” Bucky looks skeptical and the following hour of watching Loki attempt to care for a child proved Bucky right. Steve wasn’t sure who cried more, Loki or the baby, and he was fairly certain that everyone hovering around Loki was because they all half expected Loki to snap at any moment. It turned out Loki, despite the tears, had more patience than the rest of them.

Nat had taken off shorty after the child started to cry, Bucky not long after, Clint may have been deaf but he apparently looking at Loki cry was painful so he took off too. Thor, Steve was certain, stuck around out of some sort of misplaced love for his brother, and Steve stuck around because he still half expected Loki to snap. He never had been very patient and he didn’t really want the kid to suffer for it, though he had decided that he never _ever_ wanted kids. If they made Loki cry, and Steve has seen him in some very stressful situations that he’s shown no apparent reaction to, then they were not to be trifled with.

It’s hour two when Tony calls, Bruce babbling on in the back ground about something Tony was building, to ask how it’s going. “Fine,” Steve tells him, casually ignoring the fact that Natasha and Thor had ear muffs on, Clint was trying to help Loki entertain the screaming child, and Coulson had stopped by for all of three seconds before he gave them all his sympathies and left. He had no idea where Bucky went.

“Ugh huh, I know your totally lying, Bucky has decided that children are the spawn of the devil and he doesn’t want any,” Tony says.

“Well,” Steve says, looking back towards the living room, “he’s not wrong.  Loki is holding up pretty well considering, I’m fairly certain he’s considered throwing himself out the kitchen window at least twice and he’s been a ball of tears for an hour and a half but he hasn’t had a mental break down yet.” Loki looked traumatized, the poor bastard, and Thor was still hovering in case Loki asked for help, which he probably wouldn’t do. At least not from Thor, they had an odd love hate relationship that usually involved Thor loving Loki and Loki hating him.

“I can help,” Tony offers and Steve laughs, “excuse you, this is not a laughable subject!” Tony says, offended.

“Oh Tony, you have lots of talents but you definitely are not equipped to deal with kids,” he says fondly, he loved Tony, he did, but the thought of Tony trying to take care of a kid was almost as frightening as Loki trying to take care of a kid. Tony barely remembered to feed himself half the time, and his sleeping schedule was basically non existent.

“Hey!” he says, “I don’t think I would be _that_ bad at it,” he hears some mumbling in the background, “and Bruce offers his help too.”

“I don’t think that you, the guy who can barely fend for himself, and Bruce, the guy who turns into a giant green pack of muscles and smashes thing under stress are a good match for child care,” he says, “but I appreciate your offer,” he tells them.

“Suit yourself,” Tony says and hangs up. He goes back to attempting to try and help Loki care for the screaming child and fails, ditching Loki, Thor, and Clint with the child for twenty minutes before going back to try again.

Eventually the kid falls asleep while Loki holds the child up in the air but every time Loki moves the child wakes up and starts crying again so Loki holds the position. “I think he’s more upset with holding that child in the air than he was that one time I got shot,” Thor says, frowning and obviously offended.

”To be fair he did cry, and when you were in the hospital you didn’t have to be held in a certain position so you didn’t cry,” Steve says.

Thor looks upset, maybe not but it would have been nice, I like hugs,” he says. Steve shakes his head and laughs at Thor, patting him on the back.

Bucky shows up not long after that and his brows draw together at the sight of Loki holding the child up with an extreme look of concentration. “What is he doing?” he asks, gesturing to Loki.

“Attempting to save our sanity by making sure the kid doesn’t cry,” Steve says. Bucky seems to accept this answer and they decide to bug Nat about the month she was four, which led to Bucky fleeing in fear, presumably leaving the country. Steve knew she was harmless, at least to him, but Bucky refuses to listen.

Tony calls twice more, and offers his help both times, but Steve politely declines, and Tony tells him that he isn’t that bad with kids. Steve would say he would pay to see that but he wouldn’t actually want to see Tony bumble around with a child at the child’s expense.

Thirty minutes after that Steve was ready to throw himself out the window, “I’ve been shot, blown up, hit by cars, broken bones jumping off buildings, gassed, and Tony Stark is one of my soul mates but nothing has prepared me for the pain of children,” he says. Natasha nods, having added a second pair of ear muffs but it hadn’t made much of a difference.

Tony calls again and finally Steve gives in because really, even Thor was annoyed and Thor had near endless patience, Loki was his brother for Christ sakes. He has his head buried under several pillows when Bruce and Tony show up ad he doesn’t bother to extract himself. Loki could suffer alone for all he cared, he was just here to make sure Tony didn’t go nuts too.

“Kid, I was held hostage for three months by terrorists and fed nothing but oatmeal with questionable ashes in it and if they didn’t break me neither will you,” he tells the child. The baby, mercifully, stops crying and everyone in the room groans in relief.

“Did anyone think to change the poor baby’s diaper?” Bruce asks. Loki makes an irritated noise and stomps out of the room.

Tony and Bruce, it turned out, were fucking baby whisperers and the two of them managed to keep the baby entertained and quiet outside of regular baby noises until Darcy and her mother returned. Loki had returned to lay on the ground and glare at Bruce and Tony and Thor watched the two in amazement. “How?” Natasha asks, finally saying out loud what they were all wondering.

“Just because I don’t want kids doesn’t mean I don’t like them,” Tony says, “and really guys, you can practically smell the dad on Bruce.”

Later, when Steve tracks Bucky down to Japan he totally doesn’t believe him when he tells him what Tony was great with kids and Natasha offering to confirm the story hadn’t convinced him whatsoever. 


End file.
